The holidays have come and gone…and throughout it all, what mattered most was/is family.
Some of you have followed my twitter and facebook status and posts over the holiday time frame and know that my husband, brother, father and I decided to go to NY for the holidays (where my mom had already flown to) instead of spending them down here like we did last year. The reason for this (and I long debated on whether or not I wanted to blog this or not) was because my grandmother (maternal) just found out, at the young age of 65, that she has stage IV lung cancer. This came out of the blue….she had no idea what the progression was and whether you call it naive or not, we didn’t either. She has been a smoker for many years, however 50% of all lung cancers aren’t caused by being a smoke whatsoever….so her chances of avoiding it, were just as good as mine…and I’ve never taken to smoking.She is getting ready for her 3rd treatment of Chemotherapy, and we will hopefully know more as to how it is doing for her then…I can only pray for a miracle that maybe…just maybe, it does what it’s supposed to.
My Grandma is the glue that holds our family together. She is who I wrote poems about when I was in grade school, who makes all the thanskgiving and christmas dinners. The apple and pumpkin pies, the getting up at 5 am to get the turkey going, the one who always has the messy kitchen after, but is in bliss over having all her family there. She is incredibly strong and through my life, I have only ever seen her cry one time, until the day I told her we were coming to NY for the holidays this year. My family is extremely close…and even with drama and normal family routines….we stay together.
My mother flew up there 2 weeks before we did to help her though her first Chemo treatment. My Grandfather (my Grandmas other half for 45 years!) was by her side as well, but he being the stubborn, and strong man that he is, doesn’t want to crack: and he hasn’t.
My husband, brother, father, and myself all talked it over. The question wasn’t whether we should or shouldn’t go…it was when, for how long, am I going to be able to leave all my work behind for 2 weeks and have to tell my clients that they have to wait even longer for their much anticipated photos from their weddings? The answer was very easy and very obvious. Yes. Yes, we were going to go. We decided to leave December 22nd early, early morning and stay for about 10 days. We needed to be with family and friends during this time. We needed to be around those that were our strength…those who were feeling the same way we were. I was torn up. I knew that if I didn’t go and God Forbid something happened ….I would regret it for the rest of my life….and I don’t do regrets!
I would be lying if I said it was easy being there. To be honest, every time I went there, I wanted to cry…I hurt so bad for them…for my grandmother having to go through this. For my grandfather having to watch her go through this. For my mother who had to be there and be strong to help them. For my cousins (whom lived there as well) who didn’t even know really what was going on.
We spent time with both my husbands family, my best friend and her new fiance Edward, and my family while we were there. It was great being there for everything, like old times….but a part of me missed what it was like when we were little….the excitement, the anticipation, the feeling of magic in the air. This year, it was much more solemn and laid back. It wasn’t about what was under the tree, or what was for dinner.
It was about being there with family…those who you love and love you back and breathing it all in. This isn’t our last year with Grandma….she is strong, and we know that she has more time to go. I have faith that she will do everything she can and give everything she can and that God will give her more time with us. I truly believe that by going to NY for the holidays, I have a renewed spirit of hope and of family……things wont always be easy, but we are going to make the best of every moment we have with those we love.
I encourage you this year to remember that. To make it a goal to spend more time with those you love….time is short and we don’t need to take that for granted. Whether you believe in a higher power, or not…..we are all extremely lucky and blessed to have family….do everything you can to be with them, don’t let life pass you by.
Thank you for letting me share and understanding why I have been a little behind.
My Grandma, Grandpa and my cousins Dylan (left) and Cody (right)
<3 Amanda